.love is like a plant…it should be cultivated…
.i’ve known it was coming. I prayed and tried to prepare myself for it. But my preparation didn’t help me when that moment came. It seems that all of my senses died. I can’t feel anything. I don’t know how to feel it. My world stopped for a second…or two…or three…or four…or five…and suddenly it came all through me…that it was real…it was really happening… And then…I cried. I went to my room and cried. I cried…for a while.I got up and decided to make myself busy…to forget about it. I realized that it was too early to let myself stumble down.So I cleaned up our house. I washed plates and arranged the kitchen. I even washed my clothes. My body wasn’t up to do all those things that time because I have my period and I’m suffering from dysmenorrhea. i didn't mind it. after all the cleaning stuff, i took a bath, put my clothes on and lie down on my bed. it was there that I suddenly felt that my body was in pain. I didn’t cry…but I was lost in thought. Right there and then I was still thinking whether to believe it or not. My heart and mind wouldn’t believe it was true.
.my aunt called and asked if I’m up to help her do the shopping. I said yes and immediately fixed myself for I thought that it would help me not to think about it. It was just a thought though. I failed. It seems that I’m out of myself and my aunt discerned it. She even asked me what happened to me. I said nothing for I was not ready to talk about it. She understands me and even tried to cheer me up by letting me know that we’re in the mall, doing shopping, and she would buy me clothes. “so?” I thought. It didn’t help. In fact I was about to Cry while she was choosing her clothes. “please! Not now!” I forced myself not to and I did it.
.i told my aunt that I wanted a new hair cut, a short one, she disapproved …but I don’t care. And so it happened.
.the night came and my room was dark…and then…I bursted! I cried. I cried hard…until it was dawn…and my body gave up. I was asleep. Few days after that I got sick. Fever and headache for three days.
.i don’t want to blame or hate him for what he did because I know for myself that it was true and it’s for the better. But it hurts! It really hurts.but I can’t and I wont hate him for that. I know that he’s not the kind of a person who would intentionally hurt someone. He’s a good guy. His actions and treatment hurt me and he knew that. And that is why he did it. He did it for good…to end my sufferings. So I considered it as a “euthanasia”-a mercy killing. He killed my heart...for a while. And I thank him for that…for I know it was for my own good…for me to be hurt once and not to prolong my agony…and for I know someday…soon…my heart would regain its composure and it would be stronger than ever.
…or else it would naturally die.
i lost mine. save yours.
♥♥♥
